Erection suddenly subsides.
May 31, 2011 | 15,00 EUR | answered by Uni-Arzt Freddy Feuerstein
I have been with my wife for almost 30 years, and I am 47 years old. For the past few months, I have been experiencing the following problem during intercourse: when I am having sex with my wife, I have a full erection upon penetration, but it suddenly goes away because out of nowhere I start thinking that it's not working, for whatever reason. As soon as I have this thought, it's over, my penis goes flaccid and the mood is naturally gone. Since this has happened a few times now, I already anticipate failure beforehand, so it happens again, not always, but it becomes a vicious circle where the fear becomes the problem. It's not my wife's fault, it's in my head, as these thoughts have now become a source of absolute agony. I can't explain how such thoughts can suddenly come up in the most beautiful moment... only this fear takes away our desire, she handles it with more or less composure, but it bothers her a lot and I feel ashamed that she might think it's her fault. I have no problems with masturbating, so I rule out a physical disorder. I could masturbate daily, but I don't, hoping that it will work during normal intercourse, unfortunately it doesn't always. It's easy to say to stop the thoughts, I'm trying, but why do I think about such things, how can I shake it off, it's very important to me because I suffer a lot from this situation of feeling incomplete with my wife. Thank you for your help.
Dear Inquirer,
what you describe indicates, as you correctly interpret, a mental disorder. This is almost common and occurs in almost all men from time to time. First of all, please don't drive yourself crazy. I know that this situation is very uncomfortable for you as a man. You must now manage to break through this vicious cycle you have created. There are some ways to get out of this predicament. First and foremost, it is very important to take the pressure off this situation. Take more time for yourself and put the act on the back burner. Create a wonderful romantic evening for yourself and your partner and don't let it all come down to just one thing. Introduce new elements into your togetherness and let the sexual aspect happen naturally. Sometimes it can also be helpful to get a prescription for potency drugs from your urologist and then hide them somewhere as a backup and emergency exit for your mental well-being, so that it might work again without the need for medication. It may also be advisable, if there are no contraindications, to intervene supportively with medication from time to time. This will give your relationship the necessary stability to perform a satisfying act for both sides even without medication. Due to your age, however, you should still have a thorough examination by your family doctor, as potency problems often have diseases such as arterial hypertension or diabetes mellitus as contributing factors. Therefore, it is also important to be on the safe side there, so that we don't overlook anything serious. Sexuality with oneself is always freer from constraints and external pressures, so your interpretation that it is purely a psychological problem may well be correct. There may also be underlying major misunderstandings in your marriage that are not immediately apparent. Has anything changed in your professional environment in recent months? Has anything changed with your wife, are menopause approaching? Have the children left the house? There are many possible reasons, the human psyche is complex. Otherwise, I remain with best regards and wish you and your problem a speedy recovery, I believe you will handle it. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask in a follow-up. Best regards, all the best T. C. Müller
