Ask a doctor on the topic of Other questions to doctors

Depression? Depression?

October 1, 2015 | 20,00 EUR | answered by Dr. med. Frauke Gehring

Dear Sir or Madam,

My girlfriend has always been crazy about dogs. In the past, her grandfather also had a dog. Unfortunately, it is currently not possible for us to have a dog in our apartment. However, we now have the prospect of a new apartment where it is allowed.

At the same time, we have been regularly walking a dog at the animal shelter for about 4 weeks, a dog that she has fallen in love with. Unfortunately, both of us will not be able to take the dog with us (I have an office job, she works in a nursing home). She tried to have the dog stay with my parents during the day, as they already have a dog, but they declined. Now she is really sad, could hardly sleep last night, had cried her heart out yesterday, almost hyperventilated.

The problem with her is that when she sets her mind on something, it must absolutely work out. She is very ambitious and does not easily deviate from her path. She quickly reaches a point where she feels her life is miserable, and she loses all joy.

Sometimes she even says, "just let me die." She doesn't mean it seriously, but...

How can I help her?

Dr. med. Frauke Gehring

Hello,

This has nothing to do with ambition, but with immaturity. The realization that one cannot get everything like a child is part of being an adult.
You have sought and found an intelligent adult solution. The temporary dog. And you even have a prospect of an apartment where you can keep him.
Being defiant and desperate now is a pure demonstration beyond all reality: "But I want to!" Like a child.
Sorry for being so clear, but the best way to help her is by helping her accept facts. She will have to learn that you cannot obtain a dog or a child, more money or more love by force, but only achieve it together, wisely and with patience.

Sincerely, Dr. Höllering