painful emotional disturbances during sex
March 16, 2010 | 20,00 EUR | answered by Dr. med. Olaf Stephan
Hello dear medical team,
I have a pretty big sexual or neurological problem. I have been with my first boyfriend for 2 years and have never had an orgasm or come close to getting one! We have tried all possible positions and everything. I simply feel very little. And masturbation doesn't work either...
The only thing that happens when I touch my clitoris is that my legs jerk wildly and cramp up, but it quickly starts to hurt, there is no pleasure in it! Nothing else happens. When I feel something during sex, my hands and legs fall asleep... But that's it... I really don't feel much, except for these uncomfortable leg cramps... Could it be that there are some sensory disorders or something similar? I am definitely a completely healthy person, I have no piercings and no surgeries. I am desperate because I absolutely don't know what could be causing my "lack of feeling."
Dear inquirer,
It is easy to see that the problem you have described is a great burden for both yourself and your partnership. For the individuals affected, it is often very difficult to talk about it, whether with others or with their partner, for understandable reasons. On the one hand, the anonymity of the internet makes it easier for you to communicate such a problem, but on the other hand, it is almost impossible for me to make a specific diagnosis. The inability to experience the emotional climax during physical intimacy with a partner is commonly referred to as anorgasmia, a disorder that is not uncommon and can vary in severity, especially among women. But as I mentioned, most people prefer not to talk about it. First and foremost, a thorough examination by a gynecologist should be carried out to rule out physical causes, which rarely explain the problem overall. For most affected individuals, the reason for the absence of orgasm lies in the emotional and psychological realm, which can be quite complicated at times. For example, latent (hidden) or overt conflicts in the partnership, different conceptions of sexual practices and love between both partners, traumatic experiences from the past, stress and conflicts in professional or family life, and many other factors can trigger or exacerbate such disorders. Our sexual life is a very delicate and extremely vulnerable area of our psyche. When such problems persist over time, they typically lead to a significant potential for conflict within the partnership and to depressive or sometimes even aggressive tendencies in the individuals involved. For this reason, early treatment is absolutely necessary, as the earlier it begins, the better the chances of recovery. It is crucial that you do not try to treat these disorders on your own, you always need professional help, and often couples therapy is required as well. The more you try to force emotional moments in any way, the more failures you will experience, thus exacerbating the existing problem further. You cannot force anything in this area. The first and probably most difficult step is to recognize the problem as such and to talk about it, which you have already done. You should also try to communicate your problem with your partner, as they may not have realized it in this significance yet. The next step is to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist experienced in this field for further diagnosis and therapy. Your gynecologist may be able to help you with this, so feel free to discuss the issue with them, as it is subject to doctor-patient confidentiality. Through discussions, possibly with both partners individually or together, an experienced psychotherapist can uncover the origin of the disturbance in emotional life, which will in any case lead to therapy approaches, and again, confidentiality is ensured. I hope I was able to give you some courage to see a specialist as soon as possible to start solving your problem. Please do not be afraid, you will surely be taken seriously!
Kind regards,
O. Stephan
